Let's Talk Tuesday: I'm Pissed!

I'm Pissed!

Welcome and welcome back. It's another amazing day in paradise. Thank you for being here. Yes, I am pissed! 

Over the past couple of weeks I was attempting to do a 13 day social media challenge that would have ended on Sunday, July 28. It ended at day 10 because I was being inundated by so many things that I was getting pissed about.

I wasn't ready to be vulnerable and share. My reality is s$*t hasn't stopped (😲 I know right!). So I'm naming it and claiming it so I can move forward. I'm admitting it to be transparent. 

Please don't get it twisted. Me being pissed doesn't take away from it being another amazing day in paradise. The fact is, me being pissed adds to my day being amazing. I'm grateful I'm pissed. Wanna know why? 

Too often we demonize emotions. But the reality is all emotions are messengers. The actions you take with the message, that's generally where challenges arise. The emotions themselves are there to show we are human and we are alive. 

So I'm grateful I'm pissed.

Another reason why I'm grateful I'm pissed is because of this quote by Malcolm X:

"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. The just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about change." Now, considering who said this, I think most people would judge that to mean I'm "fixin' to cuss someone out" or do something destructive. While I hope that's not true, that's my opinion.

What this quote taught me is that when Malcolm X said "bring about change", the change he was speaking of started with himself. The Malcolm Little of his youth was incredibly different from el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz who died as a martyr. Malcolm changed himself first, in order to lead the changes that were needed. 

So the messages I'm getting from being pissed are: it's time to open your mouth. It's time to be vulnerable. It's time to speak up. Your period of silence is over. 

Yes, silence. Not that I had taken a vow of silence because if you know me you know I can talk. Silence in that several years ago, God said to me, "Be still. Be silent. Be stalwart." That was the short message.

The expanded message was "Be still and know I am God. Be silent and speak when I direct you to. Be stalwart in doing the things I ask of you."

Looking back, even writing this right now, I get it. God was training me how to speak and act with a regulated nervous system. I didn't even know what that was, let alone what it meant when I was given the message. 

While I haven't always been perfect at executing those instructions, at some point they became a part of me. I know it's one of the reasons why I've struggled with opening up and being vulnerable. All I can say to that is, "Look at God!" 

Thank You God!! I'm grateful I'm being delivered from reactivity to response-ability. (You like that one, don't you? Whoot! WHOOT!) This is why being open to your emotions is so important. 

I was just sitting in the anger with the stories. But I was told to write the stories instead. I thought it was so I could share them. But I'm learning as I write. I'm in the process of discovery now, as I write.

And guess what? The energy the anger brought is being transformed so I can do something productive versus destructive with it. That's why I Love God. I am seen. I am known. I am Loved.

This is an unexpected twist. I was going to get on here and just call out situations (not people) that I was pissed because of. I'll still do that at some point because there are lessons in each one. For the moment, I feel content. I can think clearly again. I can focus again.

In closing I want to end with this. Did you notice how I said "I'm pissed" not "someone pissed me off". That's because I'm responsible for my emotions. It's true for all of us. We are responsible for our own emotions. 

I might get triggered by things people do but I get to own that. The same situation might affect someone else differently. So I shouldn't blame someone else for how my nervous system was activated. This is, in its simplicity, emotional intelligence.

So, again, I'm grateful I'm pissed... I was pissed?.... No... I AM pissed... still. Those situations are still upsetting to me. Those experiences haven't changed. I have. My energy towards them has. That energy is shifting. 

For me, saying "I'm upset" or "I'm disappointed" isn't strong enough to describe how I feel about what's been going on. I'm STILL pissed but the energy is different. I feel I can talk about them in a healthy way, in a compelling way. In a way that can change things for good.

Thank you again for being here with me on this journey called life. What an incredible ride. Continued success in all you are and do. Enjoy the amazing day you're creating. Peace...