Think Tank Thursday: The Relationship Between Gratitude & Trust

The Relationship Between Gratitude & Trust

Welcome and welcome back. It's another amazing day in paradise. Thank you so much for being here.

For those of you who celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving 2023. I hope it's a day spent just as you like. Over the years I have found I prefer to "hide out" and enjoy the quiet of the day. 

There's no rush to be anywhere. I don't have to be around a whole lot of people if I don't want to. I just get to chill. Personally, the quiet moments are the ones I'm most grateful for.

I mean, that's because... Let's just say it, with a school aged child the quiet moments are few and far between. Wisdom and I get to be quiet together and not have to focus on anyone else. 

I honestly think more people would savor the holidays fully if they didn't feel committed to going places or cooking large meals. I'm grateful I don't feel that way. I know I got that from my mom. 

I feel like our motivations are different but our overall sentiments are the same. I get to choose how I want to spend this time. I'm not obligated to please anyone else but me.

Before I joined her, I think my feelings towards Thanksgiving started to change when I lived in Vernon, CT many years ago. The main road I needed to travel to get to most places had a farm on it. Every year, around the same time, small turkeys would arrive and every year, around the same time, big turkeys would disappear.

All these advertisements featuring turkeys living as though they are happy to be a part of Thanksgiving bothers me. They give the ultimate sacrifice and I don't think many people even think about that as the body of a large bird that once was alive is the center of their feast. 

It is now odd to me to be thankful for your life when the evidence of death, and how you uphold it, is right before you. I'm just being honest. And it leads me to the point of my writing.

Gratitude is known as one of the greatest virtues. We can be grateful under any circumstance, even if we are staring death in the face! (Did you like how I twisted that around?) 

One of the most beautiful things I have found by keeping a gratitude journal is that it increases trust. When I endeavor to write down 5 things daily that I am grateful for, it not only reflects how God Loves me enough to bless me; it also shows me how much God trusts me to receive, to endure and to trust Him.

Besides being trauma and oppression informed so I can regulate my nervous system and work from my executive function, gratitude reminds me that I am trusted to follow what my heart and mind are calling me to do. 

This journey Wisdom and I have been on has been nothing close to easy. It is frustrating, demanding, demoralizing and depressing at times. But it is simultaneously emancipating, liberating, enlightening and uplifting. 

Before this week I don't think I had the words to really express why. But this week I received an email from a mom who I connected with through her son, who met me through his mom (yes, the same person). It's a very cool story but that's all I'm going to say about it right now.

This beautiful soul shared this poem with me and it made everything come together for me. 

MY FEAR IS MY GREATEST WEAKNESS
(Dedicated to Kate Bogle)

From my journal on the morning of my 30th birthday.

If I had my life to live over I would be less afraid:

To speak up. To speak out.
To speak the hard stuff.
To break silences, everywhere.

To be myself, truly.

Of the consequences of being myself.
Of speaking out. Of telling my story.
Of asking for what I wanted,
instead of just settling for what was offered,
believing that was all I was worth or deserved.

To be alone.

Of the outcome.
Of my writing hurting my family.
Of how people would respond to my history.
Of asking for help.
Of taking help that is offered.
Of standing up for myself.
Of walking away.
Of never making it.
Of being a failure.
Of making a fool of myself.

Of believing in myself.

Of saying No.
Of saying Yes.

Of following my own path.
Of believing that I am led.
Of believing that life is that magical.

Of the grief that lives inside of me like an ache
and calls itself hope.

© 1998, 2014 Dora E. McQuaid. From the Second, Expanded edition of the scorched earth and its compact disc companion the scorched earth: spoken © 1999, 2002, 2014

I'm so grateful she shared this with me. I responded to her email by saying, "The poem really resonated with me because being Wisdom's mom and watching him be all the things that Dora wrote about has moved and continues to move me to be all those things Dora wrote about.

"Instead of drooping my head because I'm not there and don't know how to get there, I could honestly read it and be satisfied that I'm there! Or I'm doing that. Or I'm getting there. And while it might be slow, it's also sure that I am on my way there."

Part of the reason "I'm there", "getting there" and "on my way there" is because of gratitude. It's because I know God trusts me to do those things that Dora wished she would do if she had her life to live over again. 

Well we can't do that, can we? We can't live our lives all over again but we can start living a little more today! We can choose one thing from Dora's poem and focus on doing it today. 

Now... that's easier said than done for most of us. I ain't gonna lie. But let me tell you something else God put on my spirit last year. I was struggling with something I felt impressed to do. And God said, "I don't need you to be fearless. I need you to choose to be courageous today." 

If you don't think you can be courageous all day, that's OK too. Choose to be courageous for the moment you need courage. Then retreat into your comfort zone. You have to do what's best for you. 

That's what I did Tuesday afternoon at the city council meeting. I waited in the lobby and thankfully there were people around who were keeping an eye on when people should go in and speak. I was number 31. I walked into the chambers when the person before me started speaking. 

I barely paid attention to them because I was making sure my laptop stayed on so it wouldn't take me a long time to get started. I got up, pushed my nerves aside, read what I wrote and left. I chose courage in the moment and then retreated. I wrote about it in my post yesterday, Dear Black Women. 

I hope we will all get to a space where we feel comfortable doing what we feel we need to do instead of feeling compelled to do what others want (not need) us to do. I truly believe the journey to do that begins with gratitude.

Because when you discover you are not only Loved, but trusted, by a Power bigger than you, you begin to Love yourself. And that isn't an "oh I'm so cute today" Love. That's more adoration or admiration than anything anyway. 

This is the capital L kind of Love (that's why I spell it with a capital L). It's a Love that recognizes your divinity, your greatness, your capacity to have big ideas that are executed with excellence. And you begin to trust yourself.

It's a journey though. It's not something that happens overnight. It's not something you can think your way to. It really is something you have to activate intentionally through the choices you make every single day. I'm inviting one of those choices to be keeping a gratitude journal.

I created a six week gratitude challenge and journal to go along with it. I intend to bring people together and assign Positivity Partners in Gratitude Groups so we can be accountable to one another for every person to complete this challenge. 

Most people don't know that positivity is something you have to train your brain to focus on. It doesn't come naturally. I say, "if you want to change your life, you've got to change your mind. That's not just making a different decision. It's actually changing how your mind operates." 

Not too long ago, before the war in Palestine began, I adopted my theme for next year. It is "Moving To Peace From War in 2024!" Gratitude is the key to initiating that endeavor.

The Gratitude Groups are an endeavor you pay to participate in. If it's something you're interested in, please fill out this form and let me know. If you'd like to purchase the journal, please use the form to let me know that as well.

Thank you again for being here. I do want to mention that there is an alternative to Thanksgiving Day that I just learned about in the PositivEnergy Works e-newsletter I received this morning. It contains a link that speaks of Utani. So if Thanksgiving isn't your jam then check that out. It seems like a beautiful way to celebrate indigenous cultures.

I truly hope you found what you read here worth your time. Continued success in all your pursuits. Until next time... Enjoy the amazing day you're creating. Peace...