Channeling My Anger
Poverty is exhausting.
Poverty is infuriating.
But so are many elements of life.
I was feeling a lot of them all at once.
My journey with God took an interesting twist once I got some rest.
My last post was written as I was leaving the shelter program I was in. That experience was simply AWFUL!
I started this post three days ago (3/5/2020) to celebrate the journey I've been on since I left.
My Facebook page has a quote on the banner by Malcolm X. It says, "Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when people get angry, they bring about a change." I truly believe that... sorta. My recent experience slightly changed my perception. I was so angry it was making me immobile.
I hadn't realized how angry I was until I went to an event last weekend (Saturday, February 29). It was marketed on its event page as an afternoon of rest and relaxation. That is exactly what I needed.
That was the very last thing it was. I wasn't angry because of that though. It turned out to be a wellness fair. How they got the advertising mixed up for that I'll never know but...it is what it is.
Honestly, I never would have made it there if I knew what it really was. I had no plans to go, nor a way to get there if I wanted to. But I was offered a ride on Friday, from someone I scheduled a last minute meeting with on Friday morning.
All I can say is God must have wanted me to be there. And I was. It was at that fair that I was given an opportunity to do a wellness check unexpectedly and the results were astonishing.
You see I met a lady, an author, by the name of Pooja Chilukuri. She has written a total of three books but the one that caught my attention is called "And Then There Was Jesus". I asked her about the books and when she started speaking on the one I mentioned I started to feel emotions well up inside of me like a hot spring about to blow. I was having an unexpected SPIRITUAL wellness check.
The reason being was "And Then There Was Jesus" is her personal memoir about converting from practicing Hinduism to Christianity after a miraculous healing. Her journey continues as she envelopes herself in the religion of Christianity for a good ten years and in the midst of it all gets married, has children, completes her college degree all to find out how her religion was failing her.
This may cause some alarm with the way I stated that but that's exactly what it came down to. She spoke on how heavily she relied on her religion through her religious leaders for every direction in her life that she had almost lost sight of the Savior. She had so solidly wrapped herself up in good works but had somehow missed wrapping herself up in the Good Shepherd.
She was at her breaking point serving in church and was awakening to things at her church she had ignored for a long time. "And then there was Jesus...". Her story is remarkable and I will divulge nothing else. You need to read it for yourself. You can find it here: http://www.poojachilukuri.com/
Now, she didn't tell me all this sitting at the table. She just gave a brief overview. It was the overview that saddened me as my heart and mind recalled the betrayal I experienced by the church leaders and the members in the church I had spent over twenty years attending, from my youth.
What was crazy about my experience at that table is... I didn't realize I was still harboring so much hurt. In fact, once I read the book (in two days mind you but less than twenty-four hours, if that makes sense), I realized that it wasn't hurt at all I was harboring but anger. And that anger left me immobilized in moving forward in the ways God asked me to move for Him.
Why though? I mean Jesus was able to cleanse the temple with righteous indignation after being offended by how the people treated His Father's house. So why couldn't I do the work I had been called to do with the anger in my heart? Well quite simply because the anger I had was far from righteous. Though I had been right at the time I was betrayed, my anger 5-6 years later was not right.
That's what Jesus is for after all. And the Love I needed to have to do the work God had been preparing me to do could not be released with so much anger overwhelming it.
My blessing is what God revealed to me during the time I read that book (and the three days after that I rested) was why I was angry. It was because I had not being listened to. I had not been believed. And I had not had my feelings validated or honored by the church I had so faithfully attended and the people I had called friends made me angry then. Recently it was also making me angry at every other person who has since come along and disrespected me in a similar way. I had a list of them too!
Such a strong statement huh? It's not true. But it's how I felt. What really happened is I was providing people with information and asking for help. They thought the information was great and they wanted to help BUT in their time frame, not in mine. I felt ignored so I got angry. My feelings were so close to the surface from my past experience that I was feeling betrayed because of their withdrawal.
I was expecting BIG things from God. Why couldn't they?
I felt He had sent me there to them. Why didn't they ask?
In the end, I felt they let me down. But why?
Because people have lives too. That's why. They hadn't let me down. They hadn't given up on me. They simply had their own agendas for their own lives and I was NOT a priority.
How DARE they! Yes, well... it happens like that sometimes. Even I've been picky with my time and it may have excluded others. Funny I should have a problem when others do it to me.
But... I was still hurting from an experience 5-6 years ago. I didn't even realize it was affecting my life so much. Thankfully it isn't now. At least not at the moment I'm typing this. I'm rested, have gotten some new direction and am ready to go.
This didn't happen overnight though. And honestly, the anger is not completely gone. However, the two principles Ms. Pooja's book highlighted were forgiveness and Love. They are powerful tools when we use them correctly. And God has been using them with me.
They are working! I am able to channel the energy from being angry into energy to create change, just like Malcolm X said. That change is coming inside of, outside of and all around me. Praises be to the Heavenly Father, His Son and His Spirit. Whoot! Whoot! Whoot! "I feel good!" Actually, I feel pretty darn amazing to tell the truth.
Thank you Ms. Pooja for sharing your book with me. There's more to our story that I won't divulge in this post right now but meeting her was a truly miraculous connection made from Heaven. Thank You Big Daddy for looking out for this Baby Girl. You never cease to amaze me with how You do! So Loved!
And You, reading this, You are too! You are soooooo very Loved. Even I Love you. Please don't ever forget it.
Thank you for being here. I hope you receive more than you came here looking for.
Create today. It's amazing. May your choices make it the best day every day.
Peace, Love and Double hugs from Wisdom and I...
Poverty is infuriating.
But so are many elements of life.
I was feeling a lot of them all at once.
My journey with God took an interesting twist once I got some rest.
My last post was written as I was leaving the shelter program I was in. That experience was simply AWFUL!
I started this post three days ago (3/5/2020) to celebrate the journey I've been on since I left.
My Facebook page has a quote on the banner by Malcolm X. It says, "Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when people get angry, they bring about a change." I truly believe that... sorta. My recent experience slightly changed my perception. I was so angry it was making me immobile.
I hadn't realized how angry I was until I went to an event last weekend (Saturday, February 29). It was marketed on its event page as an afternoon of rest and relaxation. That is exactly what I needed.
That was the very last thing it was. I wasn't angry because of that though. It turned out to be a wellness fair. How they got the advertising mixed up for that I'll never know but...it is what it is.
Honestly, I never would have made it there if I knew what it really was. I had no plans to go, nor a way to get there if I wanted to. But I was offered a ride on Friday, from someone I scheduled a last minute meeting with on Friday morning.
All I can say is God must have wanted me to be there. And I was. It was at that fair that I was given an opportunity to do a wellness check unexpectedly and the results were astonishing.
You see I met a lady, an author, by the name of Pooja Chilukuri. She has written a total of three books but the one that caught my attention is called "And Then There Was Jesus". I asked her about the books and when she started speaking on the one I mentioned I started to feel emotions well up inside of me like a hot spring about to blow. I was having an unexpected SPIRITUAL wellness check.
The reason being was "And Then There Was Jesus" is her personal memoir about converting from practicing Hinduism to Christianity after a miraculous healing. Her journey continues as she envelopes herself in the religion of Christianity for a good ten years and in the midst of it all gets married, has children, completes her college degree all to find out how her religion was failing her.
This may cause some alarm with the way I stated that but that's exactly what it came down to. She spoke on how heavily she relied on her religion through her religious leaders for every direction in her life that she had almost lost sight of the Savior. She had so solidly wrapped herself up in good works but had somehow missed wrapping herself up in the Good Shepherd.
She was at her breaking point serving in church and was awakening to things at her church she had ignored for a long time. "And then there was Jesus...". Her story is remarkable and I will divulge nothing else. You need to read it for yourself. You can find it here: http://www.poojachilukuri.com/
Now, she didn't tell me all this sitting at the table. She just gave a brief overview. It was the overview that saddened me as my heart and mind recalled the betrayal I experienced by the church leaders and the members in the church I had spent over twenty years attending, from my youth.
What was crazy about my experience at that table is... I didn't realize I was still harboring so much hurt. In fact, once I read the book (in two days mind you but less than twenty-four hours, if that makes sense), I realized that it wasn't hurt at all I was harboring but anger. And that anger left me immobilized in moving forward in the ways God asked me to move for Him.
Why though? I mean Jesus was able to cleanse the temple with righteous indignation after being offended by how the people treated His Father's house. So why couldn't I do the work I had been called to do with the anger in my heart? Well quite simply because the anger I had was far from righteous. Though I had been right at the time I was betrayed, my anger 5-6 years later was not right.
That's what Jesus is for after all. And the Love I needed to have to do the work God had been preparing me to do could not be released with so much anger overwhelming it.
My blessing is what God revealed to me during the time I read that book (and the three days after that I rested) was why I was angry. It was because I had not being listened to. I had not been believed. And I had not had my feelings validated or honored by the church I had so faithfully attended and the people I had called friends made me angry then. Recently it was also making me angry at every other person who has since come along and disrespected me in a similar way. I had a list of them too!
Such a strong statement huh? It's not true. But it's how I felt. What really happened is I was providing people with information and asking for help. They thought the information was great and they wanted to help BUT in their time frame, not in mine. I felt ignored so I got angry. My feelings were so close to the surface from my past experience that I was feeling betrayed because of their withdrawal.
I was expecting BIG things from God. Why couldn't they?
I felt He had sent me there to them. Why didn't they ask?
In the end, I felt they let me down. But why?
Because people have lives too. That's why. They hadn't let me down. They hadn't given up on me. They simply had their own agendas for their own lives and I was NOT a priority.
How DARE they! Yes, well... it happens like that sometimes. Even I've been picky with my time and it may have excluded others. Funny I should have a problem when others do it to me.
But... I was still hurting from an experience 5-6 years ago. I didn't even realize it was affecting my life so much. Thankfully it isn't now. At least not at the moment I'm typing this. I'm rested, have gotten some new direction and am ready to go.
This didn't happen overnight though. And honestly, the anger is not completely gone. However, the two principles Ms. Pooja's book highlighted were forgiveness and Love. They are powerful tools when we use them correctly. And God has been using them with me.
They are working! I am able to channel the energy from being angry into energy to create change, just like Malcolm X said. That change is coming inside of, outside of and all around me. Praises be to the Heavenly Father, His Son and His Spirit. Whoot! Whoot! Whoot! "I feel good!" Actually, I feel pretty darn amazing to tell the truth.
Thank you Ms. Pooja for sharing your book with me. There's more to our story that I won't divulge in this post right now but meeting her was a truly miraculous connection made from Heaven. Thank You Big Daddy for looking out for this Baby Girl. You never cease to amaze me with how You do! So Loved!
And You, reading this, You are too! You are soooooo very Loved. Even I Love you. Please don't ever forget it.
Thank you for being here. I hope you receive more than you came here looking for.
Create today. It's amazing. May your choices make it the best day every day.
Peace, Love and Double hugs from Wisdom and I...
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