Think Tank Thursday: Do You Know Momma Kai? The Addendum

Do You Know Momma Kai? The Addendum

(Becoming Black History)

Welcome and welcome back. It's another amazing day in paradise. Thank you so much for being here. It's an honor to have you invest your time with me.

Happy Black History Month to you! Happy Becoming Black History Month... Year to me! Whoot! WHOOT! I'm so excited. 

Can I just tell you... January was something else? And you want to know what my biggest lesson was? God's got me! 

I have to put that out there. If I just hold on and regulate my nervous system, things are going to work out!!! I had to say it. 

I talked about being neuroscience centered in my last post. I'm telling you, it works. It really works. I'm so proud of me for the times I did. 

For the many times I failed, I'm grateful for repair. I took a lot of deep breaths during the month of January but I still lost it too. I'm not perfect. I also did a lot of authentic, thoughtful expressing of remorse for my behavior, not just a flippant "Sorry". I'm growing and that's beautiful to me. Please note: I would like to add that my "lost it" now a days is totally different from what it used to be.

Can we just breathe together and celebrate that?

Now to the post... This is a continuation of my previous post. If you haven't read the first one called "Do You Know Momma Kai?", I invite you to check it out. I reveal 4 things I want you to know about me versus 4 things I've accomplished. I hope it provides a more intimate introduction to who I am.

Today I continue the journey. I was initially going to reveal 4 reasons why you should know me. But I decided to add two more things you should know that add to my personal Black Her-story and then share my three objectives to "Becoming Black History". 

The two additional things I really think are important for you to know about me are: 

1. I'm an Emancipated Momma and
2. A Systems Thinker

My three objectives to Becoming Black History are based on The/My Great 8. To find out more about them please see my previous post. Here are the objectives:

1. Teaching The Great 8: Moving To Peace From War in 2024
2. Applying the Great 8: Eliminating Homelessness, Poverty and the Next Generation of Prisoners
3. Magnifying The Great 8: Becoming the First Black Female Mayor of Raleigh, NC? (the question mark is intentional) 

Lets jump right in! Shall we?

The Emancipated Momma

Right now I'm "The (one and only) Emancipated Momma" but eventually I expect to be An Emancipated Momma. This title or description will be claimed by many women. 

Of course there will also be Emancipated Papas and Emancipated Sons and Daughters, grandmas and grandpas, aunties, uncles and cousins, men and women. You choose your description and we're going to put Emancipated in front of it.

The thing is... I'm not the only emancipated one. I'm just the only one using the term. So I'm bringing it "back". Or am I really launching it? I found out that emancipate translates into over 100 languages so it's a word that's known around the world it's just not used much anymore here in the US. 

I would say most people are not familiar with the word emancipation, or its root word emancipate, unless they have heard of The Emancipation Proclamation, the document that freed the slaves. The way I'm using it here is personal. 

My version has a twist based on a combination of the actual dictionary definitions. One meaning is to be freed from bondage or slavery and another is to legally separate a child from parental control. 

Technically these definitions speak to releasing the physical control of an individual. My definition is to be freed from the mental, spiritual and emotional control developed during my foundational years that no longer serve me. 

If you don't know what that means, the way I spoke about how I behaved when I opened this post is a great introduction without going into a whole lot of scientific detail.

The reality is I don't have to fly off the handle in every situation. If I know why that situation is bothering me I am on the road to healing because the reality is... my reactions to different situations are very rarely based on the situation at hand. 

My response might be, but not my reaction. In case you didn't know, there is a difference between react and respond! I am emancipated because in many cases, I can choose to respond versus react. 

My brain has taken in new information, used it to develop new habits in order to create a new life. This new life is not just for me. It's for my son, his father and countless others (like the pregnant mom with the warrant out for her arrest who I didn't have arrested when she wouldn't return my laptop [I got it back... eventually]).

It's been such an incredible journey to talk with people who get excited when I begin to explain what I'm doing ("working to eliminate homelessness, poverty and the next generation of prisoners") and talk about neuroscience being at the root of it. Those who still look at me like I have more than one head remind me of how far I still have to go. And I keep going because they are the ones I need to reach the most! 

It's because I'm a Systems Thinker and live with a different mental model than most that I am able to do this.

A Systems Thinker

So now I bet you're wondering what a systems thinker is! Well... to put it simply it means that I think in terms of the whole picture, not just one part. For example, using a totally unrelated example, when I see a car I just see a car. I might notice its color if it's not the basic black, white, grey or red. 

If I'm lucky I'll notice the brand but rarely the model because I'm not that good. Most times if I notice the brand it's because I see the logo unless it's a Jeep Wrangler or Renegade or something that's really different. And I mostly know those because my son is so fascinated by them. That's a story for a different day.

Speaking of my son (Wisdom is his name if you don't know), when he sees a car he really sees it. He sees the make and many times the model. He sees the design of the lights and the color and the tint on the windows and... and... and...! Now I could say that's because I'm driving so I don't see that much detail. But it was the same way when we were walking and/or taking the bus. Cars are his thing, not mine.

Wisdom sees more of the system. I just see the car. 

That's all base level though. If I were to compare myself to a mechanic, do you see how much deeper this could go? A mechanic would really understand the system of the car when he sees it going by. We have an older car, a 2002 to be exact. 

When I took it to get serviced I was told there were only 2 mechanics on staff who could work on it because of the year it came out. Those mechanics specialize in the specific system of certain vehicles. 

Wisdom and the mechanics, they are all systems thinkers when it comes it cars. I'm a systems thinker when it comes to people, to society as a whole. How do I know this? I was invited to a participate in a workshop on systems thinking hosted by Smart Start in April 2002. 

Actually, to be specific the workshop was on using mental models which is the foundation of systems thinking as taught by the Waters Center for Systems Thinking. At the time I didn't even know there was such a thing as systems thinking, but it explained what I knew and how I felt. 

Then Wisdom and I attended the Ending Homelessness Conference in D.C. just a few months later. I was able to spotlight my systems thinking capabilities in the very first workshop we attended. 

The question was posed something to the affect of, "what does your community look like when there is no homelessness?" They wanted more than the obvious "people aren't living outside". This is the poster I filled up all by myself!

This is what the other posters looked like:

There had to be 75-100 people in that room. It was filled to overflowing with standing room only. And I took on that one piece of paper all by myself. I got a gold star that day! Really that introduced me to the conference because I explained the system I wanted to build.

Please don't strain if it's hard to see. Here is most of what I wrote (I've added and clarified some of it). These are the building blocks of a community without homelessness. 

1. Everyone is of infinite, intrinsic value.
2. Everyone's an expert at something (even if we don't like what their expertise is in).
3. The behaviors you see, especially, in those without housing, is a reflection of the brilliance of their nervous systems striving to keep them safe. Introduce the gift of Neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change and New Information = New Habits = New Life
4. Children are products of their environment; simply put, they learn what they live and live what they learn.
5. Those who work in organizations addressing homelessness need a plan to transition to other careers.
6. As a community, we need to Love ourselves enough to move from our own poverty to prosperity, internally and externally, in order to lead others to do the same.
7. There is enough for all to flourish abundantly without taking away from someone else’s bounty!

The building blocks, in systems thinking language, are called the mental model. It is the mentality that forms the foundation of the system you're building whether that system is in a family, school, business, organization, church or what have you.

The system I'm building has to encompass all 7 building blocks or the foundation won't be stable. The challenge is that's not how people think right now. They may have one or two but not all. That's why it is necessary to BECOME Black History.

Becoming Black History

Before I jump into the three objectives I have to share this. I'm not even sure what to call it. But I'm compelled to write it even though this post is getting longer and longer. 

Almost everyday I wear the same pair of earrings. The top part are charms I inherited. They says "she believed she could so she did". One day I'll change that message because I don't always believe that entirely. What I prefer it to say, and totally agree with, is "she believed God could so she did". 

The bottom part says "I am Black History". Those are the earrings I started with and added the charms. The reason I wear them is to carry the energy of the messages with me. I am fascinated by how many compliments I've gotten about them. 

Why am I telling you this? I need all the help I can get. 

I am an imperfect human. I've come a LONG way from where I've been and I still have a LONG way to go to get to where I feel I should be. I say ALLLLL that realizing that I am no longer trying to stand in the way of what God wants me to do despite all the imperfections I feel I have to do them. 

Some of the things I'm about to share is not primarily because I believe I can do any of it. Are you kidding? But I do believe God can use me to make it happen so I'm doing my part despite how unqualified I feel most days. I'm getting there though.

Another reason I don't believe I can do it is because I literally can NOT, on my own. There absolutely no way. I'm going to need people, lots and lots and lots of people. I'm going to need money, lots and lots of money. I have neither right now. But that doesn't mean it can't be done. 

The closing words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s final speech, in support of striking sanitation workers the day before his assassination, included, 

"I've been to the mountaintop. ...I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. ...I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." 

Those words resonate with me because I am a visionary person. I envision a different life for our world starting with me and Wisdom. I know of the changes I've made and how life has significantly shifted for us. If life can be different for us, it can be different for everyone else. 

Last year I watched an interview with Justin Michael Williams and he suggested starting with a vision of where you want to end up and work backwards to see how you got there. That's the path he and Shelly Tygielski took to write the book "How We Ended Racism". 

I live with a combination of following the direction God gives to move forward while seeing the end vision to keep me encouraged. It also gives me a general idea of what I should expect as I attempt to look back on how I got there. 

Now that I've reviewed what I wrote, I guess that was my disclaimer. As you've already seen I have some very large objectives. Knowing where I've been and how I've been trained I'm confident I am in position to lead the efforts to accomplish them. 

I want to make it clear that what qualifies me is not some exalted state of mind. Rather, it's an acknowledgement that there are smarter people than me out there. There are many others who can explain so many things I endeavor to teach better than I can. I am confident I will get there. 

But that's not what matters to God. What matters to Him is He called and I answered. I chose the path He wanted me to travel. The reason why I chose is because "she believed God could so she did".

Exciting right? Well... sorta... It's also terrifying at times. That terror makes me more passionate to share though. Kind crazy right? The simple fact is: Truth is often terrorized. 

The Great 8 is designed to dismantle that system of insanity (doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result) so a new system can be build with a new emancipating mental model as its foundation.

Teaching The Great 8

Without many people even knowing what the Great 8 are (brain development, nervous system regulation, trauma, nutrition, gratitude, oppression, emancipation, liberation), it's important to get out and teach them. That is through a course that's based on my life theme for the year, "Moving To Peace From War in 2024". 

It's a 4 part course broken up into 6 week modules. The four part process to peace is:

1. Employing gratitude as THE infrastructure for change; Time To L.U.V. 6 week gratitude journal challenge
2. Exploring the foundation of war: The Science and Spirituality Behind Oppression
3. Excavate a way to emancipation: The I "Apologize" Series
4. Engage liberation practices: Eliminating Homelessness, Poverty and the Next Generation of Prisoners 

The reason why we have to start with gratitude is because this course is not just about changing how you behave. It is about being held accountable for the way you behave. NO ONE else is responsible for your choices, only you. Before you take on those powers you have to change how you think about yourself and what you're capable of.

I think the world has an imperfect balance of people with overinflated egos and those with low self-esteem. The sad thing is, I feel, those with the overinflated egos are hiding their low self-esteem behind it. So that means that low self-esteem is more prevalent in our world than we realize.

The end result of the gratitude journal challenge is to be able to combine humility with confidence. Yes, it's possible. 

Right now, as far as the gratitude journal challenge is concerned, my main goal is to have the largest number of people participate in a gratitude challenge outside of November. The start date is February 13th, Black Love Day! Having the world celebrating Black Love and starting the challenge at the same time would be epic. That's step one to becoming Black History.

Applying The Great 8

Step 2 is eliminating homelessness, poverty and the next generation of prisoners by applying The Great 8. For those who want to be funny, this does not mean we're going to oppress anyone. In order to gain wisdom, you've got to apply what you learn so we're going to house people in an effort to free them from oppression.

I am dedicated to making a significant dent in the amount of families who are unhoused in Raleigh, NC this spring/summer. I have a plan that I'm not going to disclose right now because this post is already long. 

My dream would be to get the momentum to host a Christmas in February on the 25th in honor of my grandmother's birthday, my mom's mom. I mean, honestly... this doesn't have to stop there. It could be every month or every two months that we host Christmas for families until we get them all housed. 

There are a lot of families who were in the family shelter in Raleigh on December 25, 2023. The children and parents deserve a different experience. So I'm going to work to gather the people who can help make this possible. Once I do, that will set the stage for objective number 3.

Magnifying The Great 8

Besides going through the plant based coaching certification with the Food Revolution Network, I also participated in a 6 month fellow with the North Carolina League of Conservation Voters. They host a program called Boards and Commissions that trains citizens to serve on government boards and commissions. 

I graduated in October 2023. The training helps me feel confident about my ability to lead a city that is rapidly changing. I also spent about 8 months of last year speaking during the city council public comment periods. I've seen the process and feel a matriarch is what Raleigh needs. 

In fact, I originally got the idea to run during the last election in 2022. I hated the idea. I don't like politics. I don't even vote. But God said... 

Wait, how many of you know what that's like? 

As I was saying, But God said "Raleigh doesn't need a new mayor. It needs a matriarch and not just any matriarch. Raleigh needs someone who is trauma informed and compassionate, who will Love ALL the people."  

One of the things I have learned from Boards and Commissions and also from serving on the Wake/Raleigh Joint Homelessness Task Force is that while immediate solutions are necessary, policies also need to be changed. To be at the forefront of policy change, I plan to run for mayor.

I don't know all the candidates yet. What I do know is they only talk about addressing homelessness. When I've actually done something about it I hope to have a significant advantage. If God puts all the pieces in place for me to run, when I win (because there is no other option), I will be the first Black female mayor in the city of Raleigh... in 2024. That's insane to me but that's me solidifying my place in Black History.

In the end, the reason why I would run is because I believe God can so I do! That's the beginning and the end of it.

Would you like to help? How about you help me and you? I could really use your support to bring my efforts to fruition. Purchasing a gratitude journal for yourself, family, work, church, etc. or for me to give to others would be awesome. The cost is $25, includes shipping and you can purchase it here. Of course, just purchasing the journal isn't as important as actually participating in the journal challenge.

Please note: These are not leather bound journals. The cost is not for the way they are printed. The cost is for the value of the content. I just want to be transparent about that. All the funds generated contribute to my efforts to eliminate homelessness, poverty and the next generation of prisoners.

Can we breathe together again? Whoosa!!! In and out!

Did you actually read the whole thing or skim to the end? Either way, I don't mind. I'm grateful you decided to spend some time with me. Thank you for that honor. I hope you found something here that resonates with you and gives you some fuel to keep pursuing your own dreams. 

Thank you again and in advance. Continued success. Enjoy the amazing day you're creating. Peace...