From Beggar to Investor: Lessons I've Learned Transcript

This is not an exact transcript. If you haven't noticed yet, I tend to ad lib some... OK, maybe a little more than some. The video can be found here: https://youtu.be/TXAPbFUUAgU. Let's go:

Welcome Back Beautiful People. My name is Kara Lynn Kai Sanders. Thank you for being on this journey with my son Wisdom and I. 

This is the very last video in this series and it has been released with the other two because they all go together. I had no idea these last three would take so long to compile. In fact, after the Programs and Projects videos I thought it would just be one more video. I thought the entire series could be captured in four videos. There are seven, just because there is so much information. 

I spent hours upon hours over the last week, in the early morning hours, trying to get it all right. Finally it is done. The video on the Recipe for Self-Destruction was completed first thing Saturday morning but I didn't want to release it until it could be released with the information about PAID 2 Parent and this one. The PAID 2 Parent video was finished on Tuesday and this one will be finished today, Wednesday, May 27, 2020. I know you're generally not supposed to date things when they're supposed to be timeless but the information should be known for historical purposes.

In today's video we're going to go back to why this series was even started. I'll explain why this series is called "From Beggar to Investor". You might have thought the Funding video was the reason, especially because so much time as passed since I produced that one and these last ones. But the money is not the reason why at all.  Even though I mentioned it first, it was to show I have a plan to acquire it. Otherwise, it is the final aspect of this journey and the first aspect of my next. It will come when I need it. 

In God's eyes, I'm already an investor because money isn't the only thing that can be invested. By the time this video is over you'll understand what I mean. And perhaps you'll see yourself as an investor too.  

I recently had an interesting experience. I was texting someone , telling them about what God is using me for and they said, "I believe GOD is going to bless you and LUV above and beyond your greatest expectations." My response was, "The journey Wisdom and I have been on is my/our blessing beyond my greatest expectations. It's like a lemon cake with the perfect combination of sour and sweet. I'm on the mountaintop looking at the other side. Everything after this is icing and decorations on the cake.

"I'm not ashamed of our journey. I'm more ashamed of those who just did not want to understand it  and wanted to exact their will over my life. Thankfully God is God and He blessed us so much I couldn't look at what others were offering. It wasn't worth losing what God was giving."

You see... this journey I've been on with God has had me doing things in a way that is a whole lot different from what people expect. It's even a whole lot more different than what most people have wanted me to do as well. I'm not living according to the world's standards though and for that, I'm grateful. And it's why I'm also not ashamed! 

Because let's face it "when you always do, what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got". I don't know about you but I'm ready for some real change. That has to start by stopping the insanity of "doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result". Sound familiar? You might have heard me say that before. I'm marching to the drum beat of God and it is far different from the beat the world is inundating our minds, hearts, spirits and bodies with.

In fact at this moment in time, in the midst of this worldwide health pandemic, I think most people are stuck in a place where they have to reevaluate their worth. Or at least where they think their worth comes from. Are you one of them? 

Yes, I'm turning the tables for a minute. 

At the beginning of April, Easter weekend marked a significant series of events for those who believe Christ. Perhaps you celebrated, even if it was not in a traditional manner. I bring this up because I have to admit, I'm curious.

I have a few questions for you. They're rhetorical. There is no need to divulge the answers to me. They are for your personal reflection. In other words, though I am curious, I really want you to answer these questions for you. Here they are:

⦁ Did your celebration exist only for the resurrection of Christ or did it reflect your own resurrection? 

⦁ Did you find yourself emerging from the tomb of whatever situation you are currently in? 

⦁ Has this pandemic made you rethink your priorities?

⦁ Are you nervous about what the future holds?

⦁ What lessons have you learned with the world essentially on lock down?

⦁ Are you "begging" for answers and can't seem to find them? 

⦁ Do you belong to the group of people who are out of work now? 

Even if you are not Christian some of those questions are relevant to you. How did you answer them?

Well... Me being me, I need to tell you: "your self-worth is not dependent on nor a reflection of your net worth". Let me repeat that... "your self-worth is not dependent on nor a reflection of your net worth". That is not my original statement. I remember it from a billboard somewhere and altered it slightly because I simply agree. 

Yes, I know. People are struggling. It's the last message they want to hear but it's the one that is most important in a time such as this. With businesses closed and people struggling far more than they ever have been, if their value was found in the work they were doing and that is gone, it's possible their sense of worth is quickly diminishing too. And if they are thrown into a position where they are having to ask for help, even though they have "never asked anyone for help before" it's entirely possible their sense of worth is plummeting at an alarming rate. At that point, emotions rule and they generally are more destructive than productive. 

If you know anything about my story, you already know how much I know about struggle. So if I'm speaking emphatically on self worth, it's because I'm living proof of where your true value lies. Where I live, how much money I have, where I am employed is not indicative of my value. WHOSE I am is the only indicator. 

That Indicator says my value is so high, I am priceless. That is no different than you! You are worth far more than you are giving yourself credit for. That is the first tomb you need to emerge from. For some, it will take some time but if I can begin to open the door of that tomb you're stuck in, you will begin to be unbound from your grave cloths and your freedom is forthcoming.

I know. I'm free. 

Before the world submitted to the demands of this pandemic, God was working on me to recognize and eradicate the feelings of worthlessness within me. And here begins the details of the story of how the title "From Beggar to Investor" came to be. 

The concept of even using the description of "beggar" started in the wee hours of Saturday, February 29, 2020 when I woke up with this message reverberating in my spirit, "I am not a beggar!" It was a rather emphatic lesson that was infused into my spirit as that statement repeated itself unceasingly. I thought it was odd because I wasn't being told "you are not a beggar". The statement was me speaking to myself.

Now there were four events I was pondering on attending that day, initially I thought three of them were reflections of that message. The three were all in the morning and their times all conflicted with one another. Two of them were actually being hosted by the city of Raleigh, which made no sense to me. One was on rapid transit and the other was supposed to be their annual celebration of Black History month. The last event that morning was being hosted by a grassroots organization expressing their displeasure for the lack of affordable housing and the slow of response from the city as price gauging and gentrification infect the city at an alarming rate. 

All these events were making my spirit feel as though I was asking for permission to be acknowledged or I was being notified that I finally was. I didn't like that. Affordable housing is being moved to areas outside of the main transit ways making getting to work more difficult for people who don't have vehicles. This means longer trips which means longer work days which means... you get it. It's a pretty vicious cycle. 

The last event for the day I had not intended to go to because I couldn't access it by bus. I met with a treasured colleague the day before and she offered to pick Wisdom and I up so we could go. And that is the only event I went to that day. Please Note: I would speak more on this phenomenal young lady but she is such a private person I don't dare divulge who she is. I will say she has been my mirror, my soul sister. We're attached at the spirit. This journey would have been far more difficult if I didn't have her as a companion.

Now I'm not sure her reasons for going to the event but the only reason I decided to go is because it said it was a day of relaxation. I'm thinking something spa like. That was the most misleading advertising campaign I've ever been sucked into. It was far from relaxing as we entered a relatively small room that is a weight training facility with weights, Nautilus fitness machines and the whole nine. 

The room was set up to accommodate tables who people who mostly owned businesses through network marketing companies were presenting their products. To make matters worse, we received a sheet of paper at the door to be entered into a raffle to win some prizes. To qualify you had to collect signatures from each business representative. I couldn't believe it. 

Honestly I was thoroughly disgusted because that is not what my mind had prepared me for. Since we'd driven an about 40 minutes to get there, my choices were extremely limited. So I got to work filling out that sheet. What's beautiful about that is if it weren't for my soul sister, this next experience would never have happened. She not only is the one who brought Wisdom and I to the event, driving out of her way to do so but then, she hung out with Wisdom AND gave him a snack while I was working the tables. I sincerely want to take this moment to say "thank you Sis, you know who you are".  

Anyway...

To the glory of God, that was the only event I needed to be at. I needed to meet Pooja Chilukuri, author of "And Then There Was Jesus*". Instead of rewriting our experience, I'm going to share with you what I wrote to her in the emails we exchanged:

"On Friday, I wasn't even going to go to the event. My son and I don't have transportation so I was not planning on going. My son's father totaled my vehicle back in December and we have used mostly public transportation and our feet ever since. Interestingly enough, I was offered a ride Friday afternoon and accepted ONLY because when I read the details of the event the first thing it said was it was a time to enjoy an afternoon of relaxation with friends. Clearly, that was the last thing it was. I was thoroughly disappointed when I got there and found out otherwise because an afternoon of relaxing was exactly what I needed.  

"I decided to go around to every table anyway. I wanted to get information so I could find partners for the program I am starting as well as get signatures for the raffle. So around the room I went. I had been at your table earlier in the event but, at first, I didn't realize there were two people sharing it. Ms. Marti was busy with someone when I came by so I looked at the information then went elsewhere. Some time later I looked at my paper again. With only a few signatures needed, I noticed your name and then realized you were sharing the table I had been at so that's where I went. 

Let me interject some details here. We started a conversation after I asked her about her books. I could see they were religious, Christian even. As we spoke, out of the blue, she said she had a few copies to give away for free. When I accepted she proceeded to sign the book for me. The message says, "Dear Kai, Let your light shine. Pooja" I started to tear up as I explained my responsibilities as a CBB, Chief Bushel Blaster. It was an incredible moment for me, one that I would not realize the significance of until later. 

Continuing on with the email I wrote...

"Ms. Pooja, I know it was the Spirit that compelled you to give me a copy of your book. I would not have been able to afford if you had not. My son and I are homeless. We were released back into homelessness on the 23 of February after six weeks in the most awful shelter program I could have ever imagined going through. We slept in our storage unit that night but thankfully we are not living in the streets. Our living situation is far from ideal but it's not outside or in a car. I have no money. I could not have purchased your book even if I wanted to.

"But God knew I needed to have your book so He told you to bring it so you could give it to me. As you said, 'Jesus truly does' know.  What's interesting is I don't remember you ever stating a price. You just offered it to me for free. That was God! I know it.

"I needed to read about the hurt, the betrayal and the healing because the anger I was dealing with was leaving me immobile. I was stuck in it. There was a "bushel on my light", probably more than one. I was so tired of speaking and people having their own agendas in my life when my agenda is in God's hands. So your message "let your light shine"... Need I say more? 

"Even though being homeless may not be what other people perceive as me being "successful" especially with a child, what my son and I are going through is what I call our "research assignment" for God. I've been given the "talent" of time to invest in poverty to find out the reasons and to create solutions based on the word and Word of God. I've gotten the return on my investment. Now I'm working to implement it. But I couldn't do it from a place of anger, not with a company called L.U.V. 

"One of the horrors of poverty is that too often people dismiss your intelligence. Because this work is for God, they are also dismissing Him when I share scriptures to establish what I'm working to do. It has been a very frustrating road. The experiences I have had are totally heartbreaking. I believe in God for BIG things and all I've wanted was people to believe with me and work with me to make them happen. I've spoken to both clergy and church goers alike. They have a heart for the problem but only offer time when it's convenient for them. That's because they all have homes to go back to each day.

"So I've been angry. 

"And I've stopped caring in a way. 

"And I've been tired because I don't get much sleep.  That, all by itself, can make anyone angry. 

"And I've been exhausted from trying and feeling like I'm not getting anywhere or the progress is just so slooooooowwwwww, like a snail.

"But God... sent you and your book to a wellness fair that had nothing to do with relaxation (but everything to do with wellness in my opinion) so I would take the time to relax and read your book so God could put me back to work, doing what He needs me to do. 

"One of the things your story helped me to realize is the emotions I have been carrying after having similar experiences with religion. 

"Unlike you, I didn't really have a problem leaving the church I was attending. I had God's permission and knew it. But while I was hurt by what happened, much like you, reading your book helped me realize how angry I've been about it. And that anger has been directed towards anyone I have since trusted who didn't appreciate my trust. So forgiveness is my next step.

"What you may not know is, when I met you, as you shared your story, I was getting emotional as I relived the betrayal I had experienced at the church I once attended. I didn't know how close to the surface my emotions regarding it were. I honestly thought I had resolved them but clearly I had not. 

"Since finishing your book I have had about 3 days to think and pray. I've taken the time to rest and relax, which I really have not had time to do. It has not been in the way I would have wanted it but it was in a way that met my need. I feel better but still have some work to do. Now I'm aware my path is walking in forgiveness or to for give because "it's for giving" (from a book I read that I can't remember [the name of]-smile).

"On my Facebook page I have a quote by Malcolm X that says, "When people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about change." I believe this. Jesus did too. That's what pushed Him to cleanse the temple. So I'm working to direct the energy from the anger I have to create the changes I know the world is in need of. That is what God has called me to do. I can't bring those changes with anger as my companion. It is all about Love or L.U.V., as I say! 

"Thank you again for the gift of your book. It is a minister all by itself. I will never be able to express my appreciation for how it has helped me to heal my heart. I look forward to the future with more joy and dedication to the God I Love and serve with the Savior and the Spirit as my Companions." 

This experience started the very last day in February and ended just a few days into the beginning of March once I had finished the book and we had exchanged the emails. I had some healing to do. I still have healing to do. It's true. But really, what did that have to do with being a beggar? I didn't know because I was ready to rush into being an investor, thinking with all I know it's time for money to start flowing in my hands because I'm more clear headed without the anger. 

Notice... it's now the end of May. My son and I are still sleeping on a couch in a living room where people pass through every night long after we have fallen asleep. What adds insult to injury is about a week after I received my "I am not a beggar" message, I reached out to a friend to help Wis and I get food. That felt a little like begging to me. She said if I ever needed help to ask so I did. But I was really not clear on what the "I am not a beggar" message meant for a quite awhile. 

But with the healing came clarity and as you can tell from what I shared in my emails I was ready to move on to the next aspect of my journey. On the flip side of being a beggar is being a lender. Those two words come from the verse in Deuteronomy. The term lender wasn't sitting well with my spirit and the description "investment company" had lodged in my spirit to describe L.U.V. and it wasn't going anywhere. That is where the title "investor" came from. 

And I was ready too. I reached out to all kinds of people online who were doing things I thought were interesting and seemed to align with what I wanted to do. And what I got back was what I call "The Attacks". There are three individuals in particular who I eventually blocked on Facebook because they all spoke using God in their language but their ways of operating were so far from who I know God to be. 

Speaking only of my experiences with them, they each had so much hurt in their hearts and so much mis-education relating to God's word but each one felt called to do God's work and were on errands for Him. I don't disagree with that. God uses whoever He can if the job will get done. But they were comfortable using God's name to do anything and act any kind of way. There was a lot of arrogance and very little humility. That's not OK.  

I can confidently say that, because God used those people to show me exactly what I looked like. And it really was not OK. I saw myself reflected in each and everyone of those experiences I had. There was no way I could do what God was calling me to do with the attitude I had. The reason I recognized the hurt is simply because "hurt people" hurt people. And because I had been hurt and was healing, the hurt was easy to identify. It takes one to know one, right? 

What became clear is while I hadn't verbally assaulted anyone yet in the manner I had been, it was coming. And if it weren't for God intervening it is possible it was going to be unleashed on the wrong person. Someone who didn't deserve it. I had to change. And I have... slowly. 

I'm still on that road of hurt. A lot has happened in 2020 alone, but on this journey called life, there are many intersections. I can see one up head. So this road of hurt is a road I'm leaving behind. Thankfully God helped me to see the error of my ways so I can choose to take a new road with a more direct path to Him.

And therein lies the beauty in being a beggar. What I have come to understand is that I've been seeking God for (begging Him, really) is answers, for relief, for deliverance. What He gave me in return was information. That information is more valuable than any other resource He could have provided me. 

When I finally understood why the phrase "I am not a beggar" reverberated in my head over and over and over again, it was because I had graduated to another level of learning. This seems like an appropriate place to insert an apology if you haven't received one yet because I have probably seemed more than a little flaky lately which does not at all represent another level of learning. I apologize if I've reached out to you and then got silent or didn't respond for several hours or even days. 

My phone has been off for the majority of the month of April and all of May thus far. It was frustrating at first. But God... (That's one of my favorite phrases by the way.) But God gave me access to experiences I would not have had if I did have phone service. And, more importantly, He was also letting me know He had given me enough information for the moment. I simply needed to compile it to find the answers, the relief and the deliverance I have been looking for. And with the time I had away from my phone and the internet as distractions, I could get it done. So...Here I am!

Reminds me of the poem that talks about all the things we ask God for and what He blesses us with instead. It says:

"I asked God for strength, that I might achieve

I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey

I asked for health, that I might do great things

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things

I asked for riches, that I might be happy

I was given poverty, that I might become wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life

I was given Life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers and true needs were fulfilled.

I am, among all men, most richly blessed."

Attributed to an unknown war veteran!

Our lessons in life are not what we expect yet we ALWAYS receive what we need to fulfill the requests we made. This is how God invests in us. He gives us the intangible because it cannot be taken from us. We can attain the tangible, where it is needed, when we put that intelligence to good use. This is possible IF we are willing to take the information and not shun it because it didn't show up the way we wanted. 

When we do take the information and apply it to our lives, we become infused with wisdom, the application of knowledge. We recognize what's within us is of infinite worth, as though we excavated a diamond mine within our souls. We learn and accept that our worth is not in what we do. Our worth is not in the cars we drive or the location of our dwelling place or even in the clothes we wear. It is in who we are. It is in how we feel about God, ourselves and others. It is in the intelligence we attain and the way we care for our bodies, minds, hearts and spirits and those of others! It's about our relationship with the Divine. 

The things we can't take with us will not matter in the end and honestly they don't matter now either. They are simply tokens or symbols of the type of life we live when really they shouldn't be. In their simplicity, they should be what we use to our advantage in serving others. 

And that's the beauty of it all, the answers, the relief and the deliverance God bestowed upon me is not just for me. It's for others too. If there has been anything I said in this series that presented itself as new information to you, then I invested in you. My work as an investor is being done. And that's why this series is called "From Beggar to Investor". 

Having been investing in so richly has given me a depth of wealth that makes me wealthier than the richest person in the world. That internal wealth is what attracts external wealth and is worth far more than external riches. Most people don't even know there is a difference. But there is. 

There is a difference between being rich and being wealthy. You can only attract external wealth if you have internal wealth. And with a diamond in my soul, the future is bright and exciting for Wisdom and I. His wealth has never been diminished. I've tried really hard to raise him in a way that provides him the security he needs to become who God is raising him to be. And you can tell. Wisdom attracts wealth all the time. People are so attracted to  him, they give him all kinds of things. I am honored I can be more like him and claim the spirit God initially created me with. 

Now there is A LOT of work to do to help others do the same, probably even you. I'm expecting people to attempt to put more bushels on my life. But my blaster is loaded with L.U.V. so let them come. God is overall and the work WILL get done! I look forward to you joining me. 

Before I go, I'd like to get personal just one more time. Because I would not have ever been on this journey of Love if it were not for one special person who Loved me long before I even knew what Love was. On June 6th of this year twelve years will have passed since we met. I was self-destructive so I wasn't able to appreciate him like I should have but I want to publicly say "thank you for Loving me so fully and so unconditionally." We have both gotten a little grey-er in the time that has passed but my heart still flutters at the thought of him and I still catch my breath when I see him, as we are just days after we initially met. 

Before the year is out, if he'll have me, I'm going to marry that man. I want to be his wife and build a nation together. I don't know how many years we will have. What I do know is we would not have lasted if we had gotten together before now. I wasn't ready. God knew that. So despite the years that have passed the years ahead of us are the best yet to come. And it's all because of L.U.V.

And that's it. 

Thank you again for being on this journey with Wisdom and I. Create today. It's another amazing day in paradise. May your choices make it the best day ever. Peace, Love and God's continued blessings from Kai the CBB and Wisdom, my mini me.  

*For more information about "And Then There Was Jesus":

http://poojachilukuri.com/poojasbooks/